Let me tell you more ....

2015, I had it all, or so I thought. Two successful and award winning supplement businesses, an oceanfront home, my new dream car, and friends and family who loved me. 

To the outside world, I had it all, I was "successful" and by all means I should have been happy. But the truth was, I was anything but happy. I didn't even know what happiness felt like any more.

From head to toe, inside out, I literally loathed the person staring back at me in the mirror and the life I had created for myself. My mundane existence. 

I masked a dark inner pain so deep behind my smile, that on the inside I felt broken, completely unlovable and that something was seriously wrong with me. I was suffering in silence and was too ashamed to tell anyone how I was feeling or to reach out and ask for help. Secretly, everyday felt like I was going into battle against myself, powerless and completely out of control to understand or change what was going on.  

I was focused on all the wrong things …

I was so focused on building my businesses, convinced that making more money, having the latest car and constantly punishing myself with restrictive diets and training, striving to be thin and beautiful, would make me worthy, lovable and enough.

But it didn’t. 

I eventually worked myself into the ground, exhausted, overwhelmed, empty, disconnected and just plain tired … 

Tired of life. 

Tired of myself. 

Tired of those around me.

I was an overthinking workaholic, people pleasing perfectionist who started closing down to the beauty of life and those around me. I knew something was wrong, but I convinced myself to "just toughen up" and "she'll be right" ... but it wasn't. 

And as desperately as I wanted to change, I didn't know how to, or where to start or who to ask for help.

I let my negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings about who I was and my place in the world go unchecked for so long, that eventually I could barely get through the day.

My mental, emotional, physical and spiritual bodies started shutting down, until my toxic thoughts eventually manifested into depression, anxiety, a binge eating disorder, adrenal fatigue and suicidal thoughts. 

I desperately wanted the pain to end ...

One sunny Saturday morning in late 2015 I drove to my parents farm, my childhood home, where for months I had played out in my head how I would end my life (by shooting myself in the head with my brother’s shotgun).

On the drive there, I started feeling a sense of relief just in the very thought of my pain and loneliness coming to an end. 

But God, the Universe, creator, a higher power or whatever you want to call it, had other plans for me. Five minutes from the farm, something came over me where I said to myself. “what if you gave yourself one year left to live?”

That was the beginning of my spiritual awakening; my soul-shaking sign from the Universe that I am here for something more, and that things just had to change. 

In that instant, I pulled my car to the side of the road and was called to book a one way ticket to the tropical island of Bali, having never been there before.

I knew Bali was close enough to Australia to come home if I wanted to, that it is considered one of the most spiritual and healing places on earth and that the sun shone all year round. That was about the extent of why I chose Bali, but the one thing I knew for sure was - from that moment on, my life was never going to be the same again. 

So, at the age of 35, I decided to sell my businesses, my home and everything I had worked my whole life for, to start my life over again from scratch, alone, frightened and unsure what I was really going to discover, both in Bali and about myself. 

I took one year out from life to heal ...

It took me four months to pack up the Western life, the only life I had come to know and loath. I was ill prepared to change my life on my own, but I just knew I had to.  I just knew I had more to offer the world, and I was ready to discover what that was. 

And so began my journey inward - of unbecoming everything I had been conditioned to think, feel, be, do and have. 

I moved to Bali on a one way ticket, and literally created my own version of “Eat, Pray, Love." I spent one year healing, “finding myself”, deliberately transforming my life from the inside out. You can read more about that here. 

What I discovered on my journey would go on to transform my life, and that of others ...

Six months into my new island life, healing through meditation, prayer, time in solitude, mindfulness, journaling and gratitude, slowly reconnecting to myself and discovering a new way to live and love myself, I also began studying how the mind works. 

I realised that it was my thoughts that had gotten me to the worst place in life, and I began to wonder how my life would change if I could harness my thoughts for good instead of evil. I discovered that no matter how much I wanted to think and feel better on the conscious level, that the conscious mind cannot out-will or overpower the subconscious mind. 

That’s why there had been this invisible tug-o-war inside of me for so long – this war between desperately wanting to heal and feel normal again, but repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I felt like I finally started understanding what the invisible war inside of me was all about. It was a battle between my conscious mind and my subconscious mind. Wanting to change but not affecting change at the right level. 

I realised that my subconscious was repeating addictive thought and behavioural patterns because it was trying to protect me from unhealed, painful memories from my childhood and later life experiences that were stored within it. It was all innocent, and all an attempt to keep me safe from pain. But it wasn’t serving me, nor those I loved around me. 

I was starting to get answers. I finally knew what I needed to do to heal and start loving myself - and for good, this time. And it all started with reprogramming my subconscious mind. 

I became addicted to working out how to think and feel better ...

It was while my good friend and personal Balinese healer Joko was taking me through a spiritual cleansing waterfall experience that I made a vow to myself: “that if I figure this thing out, I will never let anyone feel as alone, scared and confused as I have.”

And that’s why I now do what I do. 

I decided that I would turn my mess into my message and help others who also don’t know how to make sense of their thoughts, their feelings and their life experiences.

I went back to studying everything from Life Coaching, Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Timeline Therapy and other healing modalities including Reiki, Talk Therapy, Journaling and Meditation. 

I returned to wholeness ...

Looking back over my healing journey, my quest to “find myself”, it was all just about returning to wholeness, because that's what healing is, it's returning to your infinite nature of love, of knowing you are enough, you are worthy exactly as you are. It's been messy, scary, confusing and lonely at times. But all of it has been worth the inner peace, contentment and real joy I feel in my life today. 

Today, I live an intentional and abundant life serving others ...

These days I spend half the year living in Bali, and the other half of the year in my hometown of Adelaide, South Australia. I couldn’t be more blessed to call both of these islands, “home”. 

What's more, I have created a successful purpose-driven coaching practice, transforming people's mindsets, emotions and love of self.  

I’ve created The Radical Self Love Coaching Program, The Happier Me Method - 30 Days To A More Positive Perspective, have just started creating my first journal, started writing my first book and I'm super excited about the opportunities coming my way. 

If I could do it, you can do it too ...

I’ve healed myself - from my subconscious to my conscious mind. And I've helped many others heal and know they too are worthy through 1:1 coaching, retreats and online programs. 

With techniques from many different fields and modalities, I distill what I learn into effective, affordable, and transformative tools, that you can access at any time, and at your own learning pace.

These courses are designed not just for healing, but for all stages of your journey. They are for anyone who wants to move to the next level in their life or actualise their potential. 

I’m always here for you ....

You are never alone. I will be on this journey with you, constantly collecting your feedback and making new content and programs for anything you need to live a happier, healthier and more loving life.  

I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read this, to connect with me here and to take part in this beautiful journey of self-awareness, self-connection and actualising your full potential.

I see you.

I feel you.

I understand you.

I love you. And I'm here to support you every step of the way, because your past does not equal your future, and I know the best is yet to come.

It All Starts With You,

MJ x